Rating: To be considered R
Spoilers: The end of season nine
Disclaimer: As much as I wish Dick Wolf would give his lesbians fan SOME kind of joy I do not own Casey and Olivia, in reality we only dream of a perfect world where they expression much hot love for one another:)
Length: 3600 words
Notes: Yeah I know it's been over two weeks. I have had the worst writer's block. Three weeks ago when I started this story I had everything planned out perfectly but in the three crazy weeks I've lost the point I had when I started to write this. Somehow I've managed to squeak out an end. I know in the beginning I was planning a much "happier" ending but I just am struggling too much. If my inspiration comes back to me I'll rewrite the ending but until or for now, I hope this will do.
Feedback: I love feedback just please be kind I know it began to suck as my enthusiasm wore off and I forced out and ending.
Olivia saw the back of Casey Novak as she rushed through the main hallway in the courthouse. “Casey!” Olivia called out, jogging lightly to catch up with the fast moving red head as she expertly made her way through the throngs of people. “Casey!” Olivia called out again, finally catching up.
“Hi Olivia.” Casey said, her voice fast but polite. “Here for that search warrant?”
“Yes.” Olivia and Casey began to walk quickly side by side, moving together to avoid people.
“Tell me what we’ve got.” Casey said, her tone all business, her eyes foreword.
“Twenty two year old girl, beaten, raped, just woke up from a coma this morning. I need a search warrant for the homes of two police officers and their lockers.” Olivia rushed.
Casey glanced at Olivia, raising an eyebrow. “Two of New York’s finest?”
“Yes, one of the officer’s ex girlfriend was dating the victim; far as we can tell his partner just went along for the ride.”
They stopped outside of a courtroom’s doors and Casey twirled around to face Olivia. “What can I go to a judge with?”
“We’ve got the victim’s roommate who will testify that the officer has been harassing the two of them for over a year and has also been seen being physically violet not just towards the victim but his ex-girlfriend. The officer has a history of complaints and he raped another woman, containing her the same way Gwen was.”
“Who’s this other woman? Reliable?”
Olivia glanced away, saying nothing.
Knowing that look all too well Casey frowned. “Olivia.” She scolded.
“The two officers were unheard from for over ten minutes right in the time frame of when Gwen was attacked.” Olivia paused for a moment, pulling out her last piece. “The victim’s roommate thought to take Polaroid’s after each attack.”
“Okay.” Casey allowed, inching away, knowing she was already late. “I’ll come by later with it.”
Olivia reached out just before Casey was out of her reach and laid a hand on her arm. “Thanks.” She said sincerely.
Casey shrugged it off. “No need.” She insisted and without another word or pause turned and went into the court room.
Hours later, as Fin and Munch went to execute the search warrant Hoffmen and Choice were picked up and were now being held in separate interrogation rooms.
Deciding to let Greg Choice soak in his own thoughts, Elliot and Olivia talked to Dale Hoffmen first. Or well, Elliot did most of the talking, Olivia stood back, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest, too mad to trust herself to talk.
Elliot pulled out the picture they had taken of Billie’s side and slid it across the table to Dale’s hands.
“It was an accident.” Dale whispered, looking down at the picture, studying it and then looking up at Elliot with wide, sadden eyes. “I last thing I would ever do would be to hurt Billie on purpose, I love her, I want to marry her, start a family with her!”
Elliot seemed to think this over for a moment. “Well I gotta tell you Dale, you seem to have an odd way of showing it, coming after her girlfriend like you did, a year ago-” He pulled out the picture of Gwen’s black eye taken by Karen a year before. “Six months ago-” he pulled out a second. “And last week.” And then a third picture.
“I was only trying to defend myself.” Dale said at once. “That crazy bitch came after me! I just wanted to talk to her, tell her that Billie wanted to be left alone but I never got a word out, she went psycho and…” Dale stopped talking and just shook his head.
“Is that what happened the other night too?” Olivia demanded, finally breaking her silence and coming to the table, laying her hands flat against the surface and leaning threateningly close to the police officer. “You raped her out of self defense?!” Olivia took the file from Elliot’s hands and pulled out two more pictures. “You held her down just like you did Star Smith!” Olivia pointed to the two pictures taken of the backs of each women’s neck which held almost identical busies.
“I busted her for drugs! That bitch would say anything!” Seeming to lose his calm reservoir Dale stood up, his face inches away from Olivia, seething.
Elliot jumped up at once, pulling Dale back down into his seat by his shoulders.
Olivia opened to mouth but before she could say anything there came a sharp knock on the glass. “I’ll be right back.” She said pointedly at Dale, and then left the room.
“Captain.” Olivia said with a sigh after the door to the interrogation room shut.
“You’re too close.” Don warned.
“No I’m not.” Olivia insisted but didn’t sound very convincing.
“What is this really about?” Don asked gently.
Instantly the truth popped in Olivia’s head but she fought back any facial movements that might give away the fact that she knew the answer to her captain’s question.
“I’m fine.” Olivia said, her voice more composed.
Don jerked his chin to the next window where they saw Greg Choice pacing around the small room, chewing on his fingernails. “I think he’s ready.”
George Wong walked closer to the window, watching Greg. “He’s nervous, scared without Dale. He’s used to being told what to do, given orders; he needs a buddy in there, someone to tell him it’ll be okay and what to do.”
Don nodded and without a word Olivia went into the room.
Don turned to George. “I’m worried about her.” He confessed.
George smiled reassuringly. “Olivia’s a very capable woman.
Don turned away, thinking that that wasn’t exactly the answer he was hoping for.
“Hey, sorry about leaving you here.” Olivia said, pulling out a chair and sitting down.
Greg stared at her for a moment.
Olivia gestured to the other chair and after a moment Greg sat down.
“You need anything? Water or maybe a soda?” Olivia offered.
“No I’m good.” Greg quickly looking around then went back to staring at the floor and biting his nail.
“My partner is talking to your partner right now.” Olivia said nonchalantly.
“What is Dale saying?” Greg quickly asked.
Olivia shrugged. “What happened that night you and him went to see Gwen Stadford.” She leaned forward slightly. “Maybe you can help me out here because you seem like a real nice guy Greg and I just can’t imagine you getting mixed up in all of this.”
“Dale’s my friend!” Greg insisted strongly.
Olivia nodded and leaned back. “Some friend.” She muttered.
“Why?” Greg pulled his finger out of his mouth and looked up.
Olivia shrugged. “He’s not exactly protecting you.”
Greg shook his head and looked away.
Olivia allowed there to be a beat of silence before suggesting. “Why don’t you tell me what happened, I could probably help you out if I get your side of the story.”
Greg glanced at the wall, his right leg bouncing up and down. Finally after a long time he said. “I didn’t know Dale was going to hurt her, I thought we were just going to talk to her, scare her away from his girlfriend.”
“Why did you do it?” Olivia asked, her voice mournful, shaking her head slightly.
“Dale said we had to.” Greg said, his voice straining desperately. “He said that he had tried to be civil before but that bitch wouldn’t listen and we had to shut her up for good. He told me to do it first while he held her down. I didn’t want to…but Dale…” Greg looked away. “He was pinning her down and he was pressing down harder and harder…so I did it, so he’d let up. That’s the only reason! He was going to kill her if I didn’t. Then he said it wasn’t good enough…so Dale raped her. Then he pulled out his night stick and…”
Right then before Greg could say more there came a knock on the window.
“I’ll be right back.” Olivia got up and left the room quickly.
Standing on the other side of the glass was a new third person. Casey Novak who was smiling happily and handed Olivia a folder.
Olivia opened it and started to scan its contents.
“Munch and Fin found Dale Hoffmen’s nightstick in his locker. I had the lab rush the test; Gwen Stadford’s vaginal cells were embedded in the martial.
“We go him.” Olivia breathed in a whisper, almost unable to believe it.
“It also doesn’t hurt that his partner in crime just gave him up.” Casey said, turning back to the window, watching as Greg Choice began to pace around once again, almost as if sensing how he was going down.
An hour later Olivia arrived at the hospitable. Walking into Gwen Stadford’s room she saw the young woman asleep, Billie Hester dozing lightly in the chair next to her bed. The moment Olivia walked in Billie awoke with a start. Her eyes frantically searching Olivia’s, her expression clearly showing her desperation.
“Dale Hoffmen and Greg Choice are going arranged tonight.” Olivia breathed.
Billie breathed out, her face blank for a moment, then she gave a tiny smile nodding.
“They’ll most likely make bail tomorrow morning or early afternoon so we’re putting a guard outside the door.”
“Do you really thing Dale is going to come back?” Billie asked, falling down into the chair.
Olivia shrugged, “I don’t want to take that chance.” She told the young woman honestly.
“This is all my fault.” Billie whispered, putting her face into her open palms.
“Billie-” Olivia started to protest.
“Anyway you want to look at it. Because I fell in love with Dale in the first place, because I didn’t break it off, because I didn’t go to the police the first time, because I perused Gwen time after time she broke up with me because of Dale...”
“I’m sure Gwen doesn’t feel that way.” Olivia tried.
“No.” Billie gently took Gwen’s hand. “She’s been very strong. She’s a very strong person; she hasn’t said anything about it. I’m going to make it up to her, even if it takes the rest of my life.”
With nothing more to be said Olivia quietly walked out of the room.
The night Olivia lay awake, staring at her ceiling, unable to sleep. The rest of her life. Is this what her life was going to be like? She had only survived the last six months by a thread, only because she had been able to lose herself in her work. That was no way to live; it was no way she wanted to live. She wanted to live happily and with Casey in her life, have Casey be that reason for her happiness.
For the rest of her life. One day after another, after another, over and over and over again for forever.
Her heart breaking all over again Olivia rolled to her side and begged for sleep.
Several months later
Olivia sat in the loft of the station house in the middle of the couch. The old, ugly green couch that had been donated to that station long before Olivia had been there. Her hands pressed tightly between her knees she stared off into space, deep in thought until a voice broke her out of her trance.
“Hey how did the trail go?”
Olivia looked up, startled to see George.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to surprise you.” George easily apologized and moved a little closer.
“I don’t know, I couldn’t stay.” Olivia said in a quick rush of breathe.
George cocked his head to one side, curious.
“If they found him not guilty, I know I couldn’t stand the look on Gwen and Billie and Karen’s faces to know that I let them down.”
“From what I’ve been hearing, you have a good case against him.”
“His lawyer wanted to make a deal.” Olivia agreed. “But Hoffmen was too…stupid.” Olivia looked away, unable to find a better word.
“I know you were struggling with this case.” George said slowly. “Why was that?” His question was clean and to the point but his face was serine, open and trusting.
Olivia knew she couldn’t say anything but her chest felt like it was breaking and it would just break right open if she had to go one more moment keeping this thing a secret. “Off the record?” She asked hopefully.
“Of course.” Came the quick reply.
“This case was hard because…” Olivia started slowly, her voice breaking just slightly. “It wasn’t far. It wasn’t fair that Billie and Gwen fell in love and in return this horrible thing happened that has…damaged Gwen, damaged their relationship for forever. It’s not fair that…we can’t be together, despite what I want.”
George looked confused.
Olivia licked her lips, they were getting painfully dry. “I told Casey we couldn’t be together because…we work together, because I wouldn’t be able to give her time, the attention she deserves. I know I made a mistake, I know it’s her I want but I can’t have her; I know I’ll just end up hurting her in the end.” Olivia closed her eyes, refusing to cry. “I don’t want to hurt her.”
“Olivia-” George started to say but before he could say another word another voice chimed in.
“Is this a bad time?”
Both looked up to see Casey Novak standing at the top of the stairs, obviously having just come from court.
George smiled warmly. “No, of course not.” Looking back to Olivia he smiled as reassuringly as he could before moving away smoothly.
“Are you okay?” Casey asked, sensing that Olivia was upset.
“Yes I’m fine.” Olivia said crisply, her emotions back in check.
Begrudgingly pushing it aside Casey sat down on the coffee table facing Olivia. “Guilty.”
With that one word Olivia felt her heart fall down back to its normal place from where it had been stuck in her throat. “Thank god.”
“Billie wanted me to thank for her and Gwen and Karen. She’s a sweet kid, they all are.”
“Hopefully now they can piece together their live and move on.”
Casey nodded thoughtfully. “I think they’ll be okay. Gwen said something about moving back to Jersey with her parents; Billie was going to go with her. She has a strong support system, that’s what matters.” Casey waited a moment and when Olivia said nothing, wouldn’t even look at her Casey stood up.
Olivia quickly grabbed her hand, saying her name and pulling her onto the couch next to her.
“Olivia.” Casey whispered, her breathe catching as her body pressed against Olivia’s off balance from the pull.
“I’m not strong enough, I can’t do this anymore. I need you.” Olivia gasped, spilling out her heart’s deepest wants.
“No, you were right, there’s too many factors-”
Olivia grabbed Casey’s face and pulled her closer, kissing her desperately.
Casey surrendered willingly, kissing her back, knowing she would fall forever into Olivia’s embrace if she could. And for a moment everything was perfect, everything was what they both wanted and what they both needed.
But Casey pulled away. “Olivia we can’t and you know it.”
Olivia nodded, looking down but refusing to move away, needing the closeness of Casey, needing her strength because in that moment Olivia knew without it she would fall.
“I know.” Olivia whispered.
“I wish things were different.” Casey softly moved Olivia’s hands away then stood up.
Olivia stood up as well, walking behind her.
Her strength falling away Casey twirled around, right into Olivia’s arms and they pressed into each other’s arms, kissing franticly, kissing in the way you do when the world is ending and all you have left is now and each other.
Quickly Casey pulled away, then moved in again, kissing Olivia’s cheek and whispering in her ear. “I still dream of you.”
Olivia straight into Casey’s eyes and as she saw tears forming there she felt something wet slide down her own cheek. “I always will.” She promised then watched as Casey Novak walked away for the last time.
Six months later
It was one o’clock in the morning and Detective Olivia Benson couldn’t sleep, she sat completely awake on the side of her made bed. They had just closed a case mere hours ago and Olivia knew she should be happy. Feel relived, feel anything good but the truth was she knew at any moment something else horrible was going to happen in this city and the cycle would start all over again.
Sitting upright on her nightstand was a card Olivia had just gotten in the mail. She leaned forward, reaching for it. Opening it up she read its contents as she had been doing for the last hour. It was a wedding invitation for Gwyneth Stadford and Wilhelmina Hester. Carefully tucked in the cress of the invitation was a picture. Obviously taken at a party it was Billie down on one knee, purposing to Gwen. The scars were still deep and pronounced on her face but Gwen looked happy and healthy. They both did.
Olivia replaced the picture to the inside of the invitation then carefully put the invitation back on her nightstand. She laid back onto her bed, thinking idly how after a case ended Olivia almost never heard from the victims again, they just diapered, became ER photos and names never spoken of again. Olivia felt the corners of her mouth peaking up just slightly, she was glad this wasn’t the case this time.
Just as Olivia was drifting off to sleep still in her clothes there came a knock on her front door, slightly muffled through the space but loud enough to snap Olivia completely awake. Sleepily getting up Olivia stumbled down the hallway. As she neared the door there came another knock and Casey’s soft voice saying her name.
Olivia’s heart jumped up in her throat. What on Earth was Casey doing here at this hour? Olivia barely opened the door before Casey rushed in, pushing Olivia back and before Olivia could comprehend what was going on Casey had kissed her. “Casey what the hell is going on?” Olivia demanded, enraged at this act. They had both worked so hard the last six months to have a professional work friendship and just when it was starting to work Casey was here at her apartment in the middle of the night kissing her.
“I’ll explain everything in a second.” Casey insisted, coming close again to Olivia, even as she shut the door behind her. “I just…please tell me it’s not too late.”
“Casey.” Olivia sighed, annoyed. It was too late to have this kind of conversation.
There was such a need of raw emotion in Casey’s voice Olivia turned around to look at her, surprised.
“Just tell me the truth, just forget work, forget everything, just tell me, do you still dream about me?”
Olivia studied Casey, her eyes were wide, open, pleading. The detective swallowed hard, thinking only for a moment before deciding to do as Casey asked and be honest. “Two good things have happened in my life. Finding my brother and knowing you. I know you’re the one!” Olivia laughed cruelly, throwing her hands up. “I knew the moment I saw you. You were the one who would wait up for me, who would hold me even when I had no words to explain to you what was wrong. The one would always be there, the one I would think about and miss the moment we were apart. I love you and pushing you away has been the most painful thing I’ve ever had to do.” Olivia shook her head angrily. “Why are you making me tell you this?” She demanded, Casey had to know how much it pained her to verbally voice everything she knew had and had lost.
“I want to wake up in the morning and see you.” Casey whispered, she moved closer and took Olivia’s hands and held them tightly, pressing them to the spot on her chest above her heart. “I know it won’t always be easy and I know why we decided not to, we were right to but…I got fired tonight.” Casey laughed.
“Oh my god Casey!” Olivia said at once, her heart sinking.
“It’s okay!” Casey insisted right away. “I don’t care, they’ll be other jobs. We don’t work together anymore; do you understand what I’m trying to say?”
“But Casey, there’ll be days, weeks, months where I’ll be busy, I’ll be working. Elliot barely has his marriage and Munch and Fin, they’ve both given up.”
“That’s them not us. I don’t want to be anyone else and I won’t spend the rest of my life without you.”
“Casey.” Olivia whispered, moving even closer in her arms, Casey’s sent was intoxicating, her touch electrifying. “I want to stop fighting.” Olivia insisted and without realizing it she began to sob, sob for every moment in her life she was alone, sob for every emotion she felt and knew she shouldn’t have. For every time she saw Casey in the last fourteen months and felt her heart breaking all over again.
Casey Novak ran her hands through Olivia’s hair, feeling the softness of the back of her neck. “So, let’s do it.” She whispered.
Olivia nodded, her tears quickly drying. “Yeah, let’s do it.”
Casey leaned forward and pressed her lips softly against Olivia, knowing this time there was no need to rush; they had the rest of their lives.