Title: A Year (still a work in progress)
Paring: Casey/Olivia goodness, of course!
Spoilers: The end of season ten
Length: 2187 words
Rating: Right now, consider it PG-13 at the worst but later (and quite soon) parts will be rated NC-17 for Casey/Olivia love. BTW I actually haven't really written a lot of NC-17 stuff other then a few Willow/Tara short fictions and some parts some novels I've written so I'm a bit self conscious and not sure how well I write it, if it's bad, try not to be too harsh and if you have ideas for improvement, please let me know!
Disclaimer: I do now own Law and Order or any of the Law and Order series, I do not own the characters (though I kinda wish I did ;) )
Story description: Casey and Olivia love, Casey and Olivia problems, and then what I hope to be like a normal episode, which I suck at BTW so again, don't comment too harshly, I'm not cut out for the facts part, just the emotions and character building part.
Okay have I rambled enough?! Please enjoy and comment, I live for feedback!
Casey could feel the sunshine on her face as she woke up the next morning. Keeping her eyes closed she breathed in deep, then sighed it out and knew she had a smile on her face.
Happiness. Content. Bliss.
Because she had Olivia here.
Casey reached out with her right arm, sweeping it across what she thought would be Olivia’s body but all she got was sheets, an empty spot, a cold spot. Casey opened her eyes and saw that the bed was empty next to her. She sat up, her hair falling slightly in her face as she stared. She tried convincing herself for a moment that she was confused, but she wasn’t dumbfounded, she knew what was going on.
Olivia had left, left before Casey could wake, left while Casey was slumbering away happily in la la land.
Casey couldn’t help but feel like her heart was breaking.
Then she heard a noise from somewhere in her apartment and she couldn’t help but hope, couldn’t help but tell herself right then that it had been a stupid childish fear to think that Olivia had gone. Not after last night. Not after all the things they had done, had whispered in each other’s ears.
Casey felt a shiver of pleaser go up her spine just remembering Olivia’s hot breathe on her ear lope and her sweet husky voice as she spoke all the things that Casey had only dreamed she say.
Getting up quickly Casey left her bedroom, went down the hall and poked her head around the corner into the kitchen, fully expecting to see Olivia standing there, making coffee.
But the kitchen was empty.
Another noise caused Casey to leave the hallway and into the living room where she saw the back of Olivia Benson, fully dressed as she tried to open the door while balancing her things.
“Olivia.” Casey said, hoping her voice sounded normal.
Olivia twirled around, her expression open, her face unmasked for once.
Shock. Surprise. Disappointment.
Casey could feel her heart falling as she recognized those emotions on Olivia’s face.
“Casey.” Olivia said, forcing a smile.
Casey forced one back as well and shrugged asked, “Where are you going?” Adding a tiny laugh at the end, keeping the innocence there. Maybe if she played it off like she had no idea what Olivia was doing, the detective wouldn’t go through with what she was doing.
Olivia opened her mouth to respond but then clamped it shut, looking over Casey.
Casey looked down at herself and saw what Olivia saw, she was still naked.
Embarrassment flushing to her cheeks Casey made a tiny ‘oh’ sound then squired away, grabbing a robe from behind her bathroom door and slipped it on, tying the knot in front as she returned to Olivia. “Where are you going?” Casey asked again, knowing she couldn’t let Olivia just walk out that door, knowing she had dreamed of this too long, had wanted the detective too long.
“Casey…” Olivia started to say, the last syllables of her name extended as Olivia tried to buy herself as many seconds as she could, stalling. “I have to get to work.” Olivia finally said.
Casey nodded once, understanding all too well what ‘get to work’ really went. “So you’re just going to leave then?”
Olivia looked down, unable to look Casey in the eyes, knowing that if she did she fall for an eternity and she’d fall willingly, but she couldn’t do that, she had to be strong. “Casey…” Olivia bit her lip.
Casey swallowed hard. She had said her name three times now and each time it made Casey feel only worse, her tone so much different now from when she had said it last night.
“I can’t fall in love with someone I work with.”
Casey laughed, “Who said anything about love?” she asked, playing it off, hoping her voice wasn’t shaking.
This time when Olivia looked up she looked directly at Casey and whispered, “Who are we kidding? Where else was this going to lead?”
“I was thinking it’d lead to orange juice. And then drinks after work and then…back here…” Casey trailed off, smiling, hinting. This was what she wanted, she wanted to tease, to act playful, she didn’t want Olivia to know that inside she felt like a natural disaster was going on in her own body.
“Okay.” Olivia allowed, taking a tiny step closer. “That sounds really nice. But then we do that again, and again, until we’re in love?” I’m already in love with you. Olivia screamed out silently at the top of her lungs. “So we can’t.” Olivia took back her step and then took another until she was right at the door. “Can we just pretend last night didn’t happen?”
Casey shook her head strongly. “I don’t want to forget it.” She said stubbornly.
Olivia nodded, excepting her answer. “Me neither but…it was a mistake, it shouldn’t have happened.”
“If it was such a mistake then how come it felt so right?” Casey argued.
“Casey please.” Olivia whispered, pleading. “Don’t make this any harder.”
“Okay.” Casey agreed, she couldn’t let Olivia be in any more agony like she was in. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I’ll see you around.”
Olivia smiled for real this time, grateful. “See you around counselor.” Opened the door, stepped through it and then shut it behind her.
12 hours before
Olivia walked up to Casey Novak’s office and peeked in through the window on the door. The counselor wasn’t sitting her desk like normal; she was sitting on the couch by the door, her head in her hands. Olivia’s breathe caught as she suddenly remembered the first time she had come into this office. It was too chew Casey out but she had found her in that same spot, trying so hard to keep the tears back, trying to be strong. Seeing Casey there again Olivia couldn’t help but disbelieve that it had really been four years ago, they had been through so much, both of them had had so much happen to them. But yet four years later, after everything, there they were again, Casey on the couch, her head in her hands and Olivia only thinking about how to comfort her.
Olivia knocked softly on the door and watched as Casey looked up, there were tear paths stained on her cheeks.
Not even bothering to whip them away Casey got up and let Olivia in.
“Hey.” Olivia said softly, coming in and shutting the door behind her.
“Hi.” Casey responded, turning her back and now quickly pushing away the tears, hoping her eyes weren’t red.
“I heard about what happened in the McMan case.” Olivia stated softly.
“Yeah.” Casey nodded, turning around now, hoping she was more presentable.
Olivia looked at Casey, saw the lack of hope in her eyes, the worry, the upset and couldn’t help but feel her heart breaking at the sight, wanting more than anything in that moment to take Casey in her arms, hold her and tell her it was okay to cry. But Olivia didn’t do any of those things, she just stood there silently.
“That bastard raped her.” Casey said, hatred leaking into her tone. “Again and again and again for years!”
“It’s not your fault-” Olivia started to say.
“No, it is.” Casey said quietly, cutting her off. “Because I couldn’t be convincing enough, because I can’t do my job well enough…” She trailed off.
“He had his father of year act down well, he fooled the jury, he even fooled the entire squad for months before we finally were able to crack in interrogation.”
“Yeah and that confession got thrown out because I couldn’t hold it.” Casey shot back.
“That confession got thrown out by some slimy under the table legal trick that none of us saw coming.” Olivia explained at once, growing strong in her words, the last thing she wanted was Casey to keep beating herself up like this.
Casey nodded. “And now that little girl gets to go back home to daddy!” Casey sat back down on the couch, feeling like she was going to start cry again. She hated this. She hated everything in that moment, people, the law, her job, everything.
Olivia took a seat quietly next to her.
Casey glanced at her. She couldn’t hate Olivia. As easy as it would be to just throw her in with everything else, Casey could never hate Olivia.
“Do you want to get out of here?” Olivia asked softly.
“I’m sure you have work to do, I don’t want to get in the way of that detective.” Casey said, giving her an easy out.
“Nothing that can’t be done tomorrow.” Olivia said with a shrug. “Come on, let’s go.” Olivia took her hand and tugged on it slightly.
Casey felt her breathe catch the moment they made contact.
“On me.” Olivia added.
“Well in that case-!” Casey joked, getting up.
Olivia took Casey jacket and handed it to the red head and they walked out together.
Two hours later Casey watched as Olivia finished off her fourth beer before turning slightly and stirring her long island ice tea almost idly.
“One of my first cases.” Olivia was saying, “We found this little boy living out of a dumpster. Turned out his mother left him on the street, told him she’d be back in an hour.”
Casey looked up and saw a faraway look in Olivia’s eyes as she remembered all of the things that were too painful to remember, that she wished she could just erase but never would be able to.
“He’d been there for almost a week by the time we found him. She never came back for him.”
“How old was he?” Casey asked gently.
“Five.” Olivia said, turning and looking at Casey, her voice cracking as she answered.
“Where is he now?”
Olivia shrugged. “He was put in foster care and after that…you just kind of lose track of ‘em.” Olivia sighed, singling for a fresh beer.
Casey finished off her drink and felt the familiar feel of a buzz expanding to take over her entire body.
“His name was Bobby.” Olivia finished, taking a long swallow from her new drink.
“Olivia.” Casey said, turning fully in the bar stool and laying a hand on her thigh. “You did everything you could.”
Olivia looked down at where Casey’s hand was, then up into her eyes, thinking drunkenly that she had never seen a more beautiful sight and wondered now why she hadn’t noticed it before. “So did you.” She whispered back, her voice husky and almost catching.
Casey swallowed hard; the day’s events weren’t something she wanted to be thinking about at this moment. At this moment she just wanted to be aware that her and Olivia were now only inches apart, their hands on each other, so close Casey swore she could feel Olivia’s soft breathe on her skin. “I don’t want to talk about that.” Casey told Olivia truthfully, the alcohol helping her to speak her mind without thinking about what would come out.
“Then what do you want to talk about?” Olivia asked, somehow her hand had found its way to the back of Casey’s neck and she running her fingers through her hair, playing with the locks, pinching at them and rubbing her thumb up and down the skin of her neck. Realizing that she wanted to be feeling more Olivia moved her thumb to the side of her neck, then down Casey’s throat, almost getting completely lost in the sense.
Casey shut her eyes as felt dizzy with Olivia’s hands on her. How many times had she absentmindedly thought about the detective’s hands and what they would feel like, what she could do with those hands? How many times had Casey snapped herself out of it and told herself not to be silly? And for a moment, with everything spinning just slightly around her Casey almost felt like this was a dream. But Olivia’s hands weren’t going away and she wasn’t dreaming. This was all real.
Casey pressed herself into Olivia’s hand, desperate for more as a slight moan escaped passed her lips and into Olivia’s ears. Casey moved even closer and opened her eyes and looked at Olivia Benson. Her expression was open and her face serine. “I don’t want to talk.” Casey finally answered her question.
Casey wasn’t sure who moved towards who but the next thing she knew she was kissing Olivia and Olivia was kissing her back. Casey could feel Olivia’s hands as they roamed and Casey reached out, touching as well, feeling Olivia’s skin, her hair. She could feel Olivia’s tongue and her lips and she opened invitingly, reaching out as well and tasting her. Their mouths battled for a few more minutes before Casey realized it had been a while since she had taken a breath. She pulled back slightly, gasping for air, her eyelids fluttering open to see Olivia gazing at her calmly.
“Do you want to get out of here?” Olivia asked her seriously.